Accepting Full Responsibility

The monotony of life, the insignificance within many aspects of daily existence. Here I am consumed by the opinions of others. I dwell on words I have and haven't said, how that conversation went. Carrying every bit of past into my present. Consumed by thoughts of everything I will never be. Then reality hits you, and suddenly the significance of the newest pair of shoes is lost in comparison to the realization that life can be over in an instant.

When you are shown how fleeting life truly is, it becomes apparent that those small things we devote much thought to are extremely insignificant in comparison to the vastness of life. Why can I not be more concerned with my pursuit of authenticity, living with my eyes open? I wish I could be bold, less hesitant, confident in who I am, a light for those around me, someone others can depend on. But here I am, floating along the tumultuous tide of life, concerning myself with the monotonous. Life is fleeting, it keeps moving, no matter how much strength I acquire, it will never be sufficient to end the tumultuous tide of my life.

That is it. We cannot avoid the life that lies before us, cannot avoid the responsibility I hold to live. That is what one is bound to realize when that fleeting moment occurs in which you stand along the tight rope between life and death. I apologize for the dark transition but it is not until I realize I am not the one in control of my tide that I acknowledge it is my responsibility to steer the ship. I cannot avoid the life that lies ahead. I was constantly being reminded of the importance of my existence but I simply did not want to acknowledge or accept this perceived burden I was meant to carry. I don't have the power to control the tide but I can attempt my best to steer.

I must wake up and accept my responsibility to live, to steer my ship. Life keeps moving whether I want it to or not, I can decide to be dragged along the tumultuous tide of time or I can steer the ship amidst the storms. How else I am I to be assured of my existence if not via my navigation through the perilous sea before me. All that is left for me to decide is how I wish to exist, how will I decide to live, how will I pursue my purpose, make those before me proud. I must embrace the responsibility of my existence.

"The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, 'Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.'" - 1 Kings 19:7 NIV